Before I was diagnosed, I remember so many times I would just feel defeated, unmotivated, like everything in life was ruined and pointless. Looking back, I would dig through my life and look for everything wrong, trying to give a reason for why I would feel this way. In doing that, I was piling pain on top of a clinical issue I didn’t yet understand.
Depression has no reason. Your brain is out of balance and your life could be perfect, yet you feel dead inside. Unmotivated, things you used to love offer no appeal.
Positive thinking doesn’t cure depression, but it can help. Rather then focusing on the reasons to be sad and defeated, remind yourself of good times, your blessings, and force yourself to do things you used to love. Making yourself do them may help you in the right direction.
For me, playing the guitar was something that I loved. Playing and singing, but my guitar collected dust because I just didn’t feel it. I’d lay in my bed, curled in my blankets and never want to leave. Taking a shower seemed like an impossibility that I had to drag myself to do. Work– well that was it’s on torture. Crying at my desk, just trying to get through the day.
I tried to justify it. I gave reasons and believe me, I have plenty. But when I reached out for help, started seeing a counselor and I was recommended to try some medicine, things began to change. It wasn’t easy, it was hard saying the words, scary even. And when we tried medicine, it took too many tries to finally get the right thing. But when I did, everything changed.
I live a good, full life now. I can handle things that are thrown at me a hundred times better than before. I still have depression, I still take my medicine every day and I go through periods that are still hard with no reason. But I am living proof that you can live a good life through the proper resources and refusal to give up on yourself.
And since doing this positivity challenge, I find myself doing even better. When depression starts to pull on my, I turn my thoughts to those I love and other things that make me happy, and the waves pass faster. I surround myself with glitter, unicorns and color. People see me as a happy and positive person, not realizing the things I struggle with behind the scenes.
Don’t try to justify your depression, it has no reason, it just brings you down like a dark cloud surrounding you. Don’t think your depression owns you either. There is life beyond the struggles. So don’t just survive–fight, thrive and don’t ever give up on yourself.
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